Tulsa Summer Bucket List

Posted on May 23, 2012 by

This summer, there will be no month-long excursion across Europe, no internship in a big city, and no temporary apartment in Norman for me. Kidulthood has its perks–you know, a disposable income and lingering bursts of reckless abandon, but unfortunately the majority of my summer will be spent in an air conditioned office rather than on a lawn chair by the pool. So long to lengthy lunches at Queenie’s and sporadic trips to Woodland Hills mall. Goodbye swimming at Southern Hills, and eating Josh’s Sno Cones on a nightly basis. I’m now obligated to working and exercising and reading publications besides Cosmopolitan.

Don’t worry you guys–as Fun. has reminded us all, we ARE young. Corporate slavery is merely a 40-hour a week commitment. We have our weekends, and I fully intend on uh, “squeezing the juice” out of mine of Papa Cawood says. Ch-ch-check it out.

1. Go on a float trip. It’s Saturday morning, and your alarm caterwauls at exactly 7:30 am. The only reason for waking up at this hour on the weekend is of course, a day of debauchery on the Illinois River.

I’ve written a full-on guide to having an awesome float trip experience before, but just to remind you, you’re going to need a couple things to ensure that this trip is a success:

  • One 30 pack for every three people. At least.
  • Gatorades and water bottles…see reason above.
  • Sunscreen, a carabiner for your keys, plastic bags for your things, etc
  • Proper frattire for a redneck occasion–PFGs, jorts, party tanks, visers, fanny packs, and yes, Chacos are essential.
  • Beef jerky, Funyons, Quiktrip Kitchen sandwiches, and other powerfoods.
  • Frisbees, footballs, or other objects to putter around with after you’re done chugging on Shotgun Island.
  • A designated driver or five. The cabins in Tahlequah are pretty rank.
  • Your dignity. At every float trip, there will always be that one person in your group who has a little too much fun and ends up making out with a townie. Don’t let that person be you.

2. A visit to the zoo followed by a meal at White River Fish Market. A throwback to childhood, although now I better understand the risk involved with parking a vehicle made after 2005 on north 17th and Sheridan. Wait, I actually I take that last line back–apparently acknowledging (or not acknowledging) a record of violence and crime in a particular district can get a blogger into trouble.

3. Jump off the cliff at Dripping Springs on Grand Lake. I no longer own a dwelling space on Oklahoma’s number one watering hole. My Dad literally woke up one morning, proclaimed that Grand was full of snobs and pretension, got rid of all of our toys in Duck Creek and relocated to a house boat on Skiatook instead.

While I can’t disagree with his statement, I really do miss me some Party Cove and that little paddleboat that delivers cheeseburgers to you at Dripping Springs. Jumping off the cliff there is like, a rite of passage for all youthful Oklahomans. If you don’t have a boat, it’s imperative that you make a couple friends who do, then suck up to them in the weeks leading up to Memorial Day, the 4th of July, and Labor Day. You can thank me later.

4. Stay all night on a house boat. Speaking of this new lake-front property I’ve recently gained access to, I think it would be downright blasphemous to not take full advantage of it.

5. Attend Summer’s 5th Night. There’s no place I would rather spend a Thursday night than on a lawn chair outside of the Wild Fork listening to my second favorite cover band, Mid Life Crisis. For the record, my first favorite cover act is My So Called 90′s Band, and it’s only partially because of the hot guy from the Evangelicals.

Billy Shakespeare would be happy to know that magical things do occur at Summer’s 5th Night. (Wait, they are referencing Shakespeare with the title of the event, right?) My super cool cousin met her super cool husband on the patio of the Wild Fork a fateful Thursday a few years ago, and back in high school, I met a guy at Wendy’s that I dated for two whole weeks! Anyways, I made a Summer’s 5th Night Drinking Game last year that you should probably check out and play sometime.

6. Go to Big Splash. But afterwards, you might want to go get a tetanus shot.

7. Thirsty Thursdays at Driller’s Stadium. Dolla-dolla beers yo, and the most gorgeous view of Downtown Tulsa (see photo above, taken by yours truly and only slightly altered by Instagram).

8. Get a snow cone at Josh’s. I’m not sure how a 6×8 ice ball stand can make South Tulsans completely lose their minds, but on any given week night, there’s at least a 20 minute wait for one of these. I ponder the obsession here.

9. Bike the length of Riverside. Tulsa is a cycling city, which I think is kind of cool, even though I know close to nothing about the sport and can hardly ride one myself. However, I do know that Tulsa Tough is approaching, and fashioning a tailgate around Crybaby Hill sounds pretty sweet. Who’s with me?

Side note: someone stole my bicycle during my freshman year of college, and I haven’t really seen the need to purchase another one. Instead, I think I’ll roller skate from 96th and Riverside to 16th and Denver. This totally counts too.

10. Hike around Turkey Mountain. But watch out for syringes and horny gay men looking for a little anonymous giggity giggity. Besides those minor obstacles, Turkey Mountain is a great place to become one with nature, breathe some fresh air, and remind yourself how out-of-shape you’ve become.

Anything obvious that I’ve forgotten? Care to join me on any of these ventures? Sound off in the comments, you guys!

Follow us on Twitter at @tulsa20somethng

Posted in Lists, Totally Tulsa | Leave a comment

The Triumphant Return to Nompton

Posted on May 2, 2012 by

I’ve been receiving emails and passive-aggressive Twitter remarks regarding my mysterious disappearance from the interwebs. To the three readers that keep up with this blog but don’t know my true identity (which I protect with the utmost vigilance), I am alive and well. I spent the first quarter of the year on the road–and let me tell you, living your life in hotels and airports isn’t nearly as sexy and worldly as George Clooney made it look. Writing about Tulsa using the unreliable hotel WiFi from Salt Lake City isn’t ideal, and doing so while in Vegas is pretty much impossible. I may be bookish and introverted when the occasion is right, but it doesn’t take a lot to trigger my inner Porpoise (an OU joke, see what I did there?). Let’s be real–while in Vegas, sitting around in your hotel room isn’t really an option, business trip or not.

Last weekend, I made my pilgrimage back to my beloved Nompton, Oklahoma. I figured I’d catch some acts at the Norman Music Festival, take my impoverish college-aged sister out for a nice meal or two, visit my best friend who was flying in from Kansas City, and attend a banquet for the business fraternity I’ve neglected since last May. Plus, I figured my roommate and her boyfriend could use a weekend to themselves.

(Side note: when your roommate starts dating your best wingman, it does not mean that you’ve gained a superfriend. Rather, it means that you’ve inherited a platonic boyfriend who you now have to share the TV remote with, DD for, and who takes massive dumps in your bathroom every weekend. That’s right buddy. I’m onto you.)

Anyways, it was a heck of a weekend as one could imagine. I’m not Chelsea Handler (yet), and I don’t have clever nicknames for my friends like Tucker Max does, so these nuggets are going to be a little vague–to protect the innocent, of course. Feel free to fill in the blanks however you wish.

  • Norman Music Festival. I’ve been to every one of them since its inception! We might not have the musical clout like Austin does, but this weekend, it certainly seemed like we had the same amount of hipsters. Don’t worry though–if drinking tallboys and listening to overly distorted guitar solos isn’t your thing, this year they had a Tilt-A-Whirl and even an Indian taco truck!

Here’s the thing about music festivals–they’re hard to enjoy unless you’re in some sort of slightly altered state. We realized this within ten minutes of arriving there, and promptly headed to McNellie’s to solve that problem. Good ole’ McNellies, where the shots are served full to the brim in rocks glasses. You know how good it feels to full on bash someone you despise? I wish I was a greater person who could say that I derive no joy from a little shit-talking, but well, I’m not. A dastardly foe could humiliate you publicly, appear endlessly on your Twitter feed, and mock you in the most irritatingly passive-aggressive way–but as long as you have one other person to discuss that said enemy’s wickedness with, for a fleeting moment, you’ve won the war.

  • Campus Corner. You know that nostalgic feeling when a father shares a beer with his son for the first time, or when a daughter tries on her mother’s wedding dress? That same sentimental feeling flushed over me as my business fraternity little and I toasted to his senior year at no place other than Suger’s [sic]. This was immediately followed by me shampooing myself with bleach and asking God for forgiveness.
  • Christmas Day. Don’t worry about why, but I wound up with some wristbands to the most revered date party of the school year. I realize that going to a date party post-graduation, no matter how awesome that fiesta might be, straddles the line between awesome and pathetic. To maintain a shred of dignity, I disguised myself in a pair of party shades and planned to lay low. This plan didn’t work at all. Here’s a few things I can recall:
    • Someone passed out in the fraternity house’s hallway with a red solo cup in hand…at 10:30 in the morning.
    • A freshman on the bus ride there talking my ear off about how much her boobs have grown since Spring Break.
    • My friend Doc (the guy from this story) throwing up five feet away from the beer stand, wiping his face, then asking the lady manning the beer stand for another one.
    • Taking to a girl who thought I was my sister for 3-4 minutes about a homework assignment due next week.
    • Privaledge telling a bunch of white private school kids about “hustlin’ like a jigaboo” and “all ‘dem bitches be given it up!”
    • Every girl with a pulse ditching their date to ogle Josh Sallee.
    • Someone pouring a beer into a horse’s mouth.
    • Someone dropping a piece of pizza into the sand, picking it up, and eating it anyway.
  • The Banquet.  There was one point in my life where I turned rallying into an art form. Now, if I don’t get a solid eight hours of sleep, I crash by noon. Seriously, it’s like a switch flipped in my body the day I graduated. Want to go out on a weeknight? “That’s not gonna happen sucka!” my organs hiss, followed by a maniacal laugh. This is why you see me out and about on Fridays, but holed up in my room watching the Office on Saturday nights–I simply can’t party like I once could.

It took every ounce of energy I had to shake off my nap and take a shower. Doc and my other friend, who were both supposed to join me for the rest of the eventful day, passed out face-down in bed before 6:00. This is pretty typical behavior for people after Christmas Day, but I was determined to make the most of my trip to Normantown.

Well, after about 15 minutes of greeting old friends at this said business fraternity banquet, I Irish-Exited my way on out of there. My head was pounding, and a sentimental end-of-the-year slide show filled with pictures of people I don’t know sounded worse than a herd of cats singing the Star-Spangled Banner. I made it to a potluck for an organization I was once the chair of, but about 20 minutes into the gathering, I violently began to shiver–not conducive at all to the game of Jenga we were playing. I think they might call that “withdrawal symptoms.”

  • The Aftermath. On my way back to pass out change clothes, Doc calls me and asks what kind of attire the business fraternity banquet called for. What a chump. I arrive back to his house to get ready for another night of NMF/Campus Corner shenanigans, but that plan was thwarted when Doc’s new plaything’s friends arrived and started touching my hair and poking my arms. If there’s something a person DOES NOT want to be around when groggy and exhausted, it’s a pack of shrieking gay guys, no matter how much they compliment your shoes or envy your ability to fit into a bandage dress.

The night ended with me at a friend’s house watching a replay of the Royal Wedding. I was in too much pain to even enjoy our triumphant win against the Mavs. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep sitting up. Contrary to popular belief, growing up has been much more of a byproduct of my physical, not mental, maturation. I would have loved to go to the Garage with my sister, or Seven47 with the many friends I had who were visiting as well–but if I heard any more guitar feedback or even caught the scent of whiskey, I would have collapsed into a puddle of misery on the spot.

Remember that episode of Friends where Chandler and Ross get really excited to party with Gandalf, but end up going to bed at 8? I completely know the feeling. As of now, my beliefs are (rigidly and bona fide) as follows: people get married so they can afford a mortgage, people have kids cure the marriage doldrums, and people quit partying because their bodies demand they do so.

Posted in College Transitions | 2 Comments

Do’s and Don’t's for Valentine’s Day: Tulsa20Something Edition

Posted on February 8, 2012 by

Movies and television lead us to believe that there are two kinds of people in the world:

Type 1, the Valentine’sDayIsSoAwesomeChocolateLoveHeartsJoySouffleYAY person. See every character in that painful Gary Marshall film, Nicholas Sparks enthusiasts, and most characters played by Meg Ryan or Ashton Kutcher. I mean, I’ll throw them a bone for their optimism, but let’s be real: anyone who gets that excited about a holiday that you don’t even get off work for is pretty strange.

Type 2, the IHATEValentine’sDayHateLoveHateHallmarkHateCouples person. This person is usually always a female, likely scorned in the recent past, and would rather act like they loathe the entire concept of Valentine’s Day than admit that they’re actually kind of lonely.  GIRL POWER, rah rah who needs a BOYF?!! Sugar, we all see right past your cynical facade. Instead of acting completely unpleasant for the first two weeks of February, join eHarmony or adopt another cat.

In reality, I’m guessing that most of you see it the way I do: just another day of the week, but a rad excuse to either receive a present, or go out on a weekday. Really, it’s a win-win!

Whether you’re single or dating, married or betrothed, there’s a few rules I’d like to throw out there…you know, just for humanity’s sake…

Do look decent. I’m a master snoozer, and my antics of the night before are often hinted at when I show up to work in a classic headband/messy bun/harem pants combo. You should look good not because I believe love is in the air, but because if you show up to work looking haggard, all of your co-workers will think you’ve spent the night eating bonbons and watching Vampire Diaries. Speaking of which…

Don’t spend the night weeping over romantic movies. What I call a Tuesday night is what many reserve exclusively for February 14th. Here’s a short list of movies you absolutely SHOULD NOT watch the entire month of February:

  • The Notebook. You’ll rue the fact that no one you know in real life oozes a fraction of the sexy that Ryan Gosling does.
  • Love Actually. The awkward heffer lands the Prime Minister, Colin Firth falls in love with a chick that he can’t communicate with, Billy Bob Thorton is the president and Britain stands up to America’s bullying. On that same note, Mary Fallin legalized marijuana and I’ve been quietly dating Shia LaBeouf for the last two years.
  • When Harry Met Sally. This is a great way to trick yourself into thinking your annoying best friend is actually your soul mate.
  • No Strings Attached or Friends With Benefits. While Hollywood would like us to believe that getting a fun buddy is the best way to find the love of your life, well, I have a sneaking suspicion that most casual sex partners won’t stage flash mobs or make Aunt Flo playlists in your honor.

Stick to these T20S-approved flicks instead:

  • Closer. Jude Law, Clive Owen, and a frustrating ending.
  • Forgetting Sarah Marshall. This is because Jason Segel is my dream dude, even when he eats cereal out of a punchbowl and weeps naked.
  • Goodfellas or Boogie Nights because those are my two favorite movies and it’ll give us something to chat about.
  • Requiem for a Dream. Guaranteed to make you feel better about yourself, no matter the degree of disarray your life is in.

Do use it as an excuse to do something special. For me, this means purchasing an expensive gift for myself whilst in Las Vegas. For couples, this means trying out something new you learned in last month’s Cosmopolitan.

Don’t be that obnoxious couple. We’re all very happy that you’ve found companionship. We’re all very impressed that your significant other was creative enough to say “I love you” for the first time on Valentine’s Day. I’m even kind of jealous of that bouquet of flowers you received at work. This kind of admiration, however, is best enjoyed from afar. Don’t bore your friends with mushy anecdotes.

Do take advantage of the 9th best holiday of the year. February 15th, also known as “Half Price Candy Day” should unconditionally be observed.

Don’t wear a springy heart headband, a t-shirt with cupid on it, any form of face paint, or a goofy grin. Not unless you want to get punched in the face.

Do go out with your best girlfriends. Trust me, every dive bar will be completely empty. It’ll be like you’re the Sex and the City girls, but with less amusing one-liners. Or you know what? Invite some of your sluttiest guy friends out too–not for canoodling purposes, but for sheer entertainment value.

Don’t eat anything heart-shaped. Who invented those chalk-like candy hearts? I H8 U! Does anyone actually enjoy consuming those?

Posted in Life Chats, Lists | 1 Comment

New Year’s Resolutions for Tulsa20Somethings

Posted on December 28, 2011 by

Last year, when hanging out with Jenks High School Classes of '07 through '10 was a reasonable way to spend NYE.

I’ve been completely dreading this New Year’s Eve.

I take that back; I’ve hated EVERY New Year’s Eve since 2004, with last year being the only thing in the neighborhood of an exception to this blanket statement. Okay, so that’s not entirely true. In 2010, I watched John Mayer play at the Hard Rock Casino in Vegas, and Bob Saget wandered on stage with a cake during the countdown to midnight. That was pretty tight. But besides that, NYE = suckfest.

If you’re in a relationship, the excitement and magic of the night is gone. If you’re single, there’s too much excitement. So much build up, so much pressure to do something awesome, get super silly, and make out with someone hot at the stroke of midnight. Instead what happens is you and your friends scramble from place to place, feel out the guests at each location, get stuck there in fear of looking like an asshole who was just feeling out the guests, and you end up making out with someone who you probably would not kiss under normal circumstances. Well, that is unless you’re my sister, who was approached last year by 5 different eligible suitors and turned down every one of them. What a betch.

Perhaps my disdain for the holiday stems from the pressure to reevaluate one’s life and set obtainable goal for the upcoming year. Bitch, please. I’m the kind of person that buys myself gifts when I want them. Instant gratification is more my style. However, it is that time of year, and my writer’s block is becoming somewhat of a permanent fixture–so when I get an idea, I better capitalize on it before I get distracted by another terrible Netflix documentary.

Keep calm and read on.

1. Physically exert oneself. We’re relatively young, and some of us are still riding on the “sufficient metabolism” gravy train. This is precisely why I have not broken a sweat since 2007. At least in college, you could blame your laziness on the fact that the Huff is merely a fundraiser for the OU Parking office. Nowadays, I don’t have the half-mile walks to class, 200-meter dash in heels to Campus Corner, sorority pillow fights, or spontaneous 90′s dance parties to get me moving.

Suggested remedies: take the stairs to your office cubicle, walk to lunch, start dance parties at Fassler Hall (and salute my friends when they join you), clean your apartment with C+C Music Factory playing in the background, or engage in some sexy time.

2. Cool it on the party shots. I like to think of myself as a generous person. The problem is, you have to be a LOT more generous to come off as generous in Tulsa where the red-headed sluts cost $5 instead of $2. The key is to find other ways to assert your dominance over your friends without totally breaking the bank.

Suggested remedies: purchase a 2006 Range Rover, drink scotch neat, pick up a Rauxlex next time you go to the Bahamas or New York City, speak with a New England accent, or act like a raging douche.

3. Diversify your weekend hangouts. I’m pretty settled on where I end up on the weekends. If Soundpony has a show, I’ll be there (thank my friends for this–I find the place loathsome, but I really, really like my friends), White Owl or Leon’s if the college kids are back, the Penthouse if I’m desperate, and Fassler/the Max/McNellie’s any other weekend night. I imagine it’s hard to truly suck the marrow out of Tulsa if you’re in a spatial rut. Expand your horizons, take a shot with a homeless man, and attend a drag show every once in awhile.

Suggested remedies: Majestic (bring a girl to make out with if you’re a guy, and if you’re a lady just bring your most flamboyant ‘mo), Crystal Pistol (bring a knife), the Cigar Box (bring your bonus check), or Ivey (bring an asshole).

4. Put yourself out there more. Whether you want to meet a significant other, network, find a one night stand, or just shoot the shit with someone new, we can all benefit by being more friendly to those in our community. Joining clubs or groups is a great way to do this–and so is well, going to the bar.

Suggested remedies: Join TYPros, lock in a really good wingman, join ChristianMingle.com or eHarmony, hang out at the gym, crash office parties and weddings, or start a blog about Tulsa’s young and restless and hope people recognize you whilst out and about (works for me…sometimes).

5. Take baby step towards true adulthood. Does anyone else feel like they’re in a weird sort of purgatory between adolescence and adulthood? At family gatherings, do you drink wine…at the kiddie table? Do you drive the car your parents bought you to work everyday? Are you breezing through life without a credit card? Do you still have roommates? They say your college years are the best, which I don’t disagree with, but now I kind of feel like the same person I was last year, but with more disposable income. It’s awesome.

 Suggested remedies: I personally think this limbo stage is great, but if you really want to start feeling like a full-blown adult, get in debt, knock up your girlfriend, gain 20 pounds, cook dinner at home every night, get off your parent’s cell phone family plan, or start watching American Idol.

Happy New Year, friends, fans, foes, and fiends!

 

Posted in Life Chats, Lists | Tagged , | 8 Comments

An Open Letter to Anyone Who Doesn’t Have to Work This Week…

Posted on December 27, 2011 by

Dear Acquaintances, Allies, and my Friends Home From College,

It’s not that I don’t love you. Our time together has been nothing short of magic. From rowdy nights at the bar, to staying up all night giggling at Youtube videos, to birthdays, family dinners, to godforsaken hangovers, we’re certainly had our ups and downs over the course of the last few years.

Thanksgiving weekend was not only beautiful, but strategically planned. Tuesday and Wednesday night, as well as Friday and Saturday were full of the usual shenanigans. Bowling a the Dust Bowl, liters at Fassler, skeeball at the Max, 10 mimosa kits at Leon’s, and “accidentally” elbowing that bitch from chemistry at White Owl are memories that I will cherish for years to come. Thursday night was a much-needed break from raging, which I spend with my extended family watching the Muppet movie. Mahna mahna dear friends, mahna mahna.

By the time Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend approached, me and my cohorts were all thoroughly exhausted. After a brunch fit for a king and a subsequent “PTFO” session, my large and diverse entourage got in their cars and drove back to their respective jobs or grad school campuses. Monday ruefully arrived, but at least everyone I knew was in the same boat. We were all cranky and dehydrated. Misery indeed, loves company.

This Christmas however was a different situation entirely. Oh, if only we planned Christmas around a day of the week, like Memorial Day or Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday! Instead, this year we got a mess of a holiday weekend that alloted sleepy, hungover workdays and perfectly good weekend nights designated for family time.

When I graduated, it’s like a light switched off inside of me and now I’m only physically capable of partying three nights in a row at absolute maximum, and I desperately need a solid seven hours of sleep to maintain gainful employment. It seems that every else in the city of Tulsa however wants to rally on Mondays, Tuesdays, and even the night of Christmas. This is me admitting defeat. My sips from the fountain of youth are few and far between. My nearly 23-year old body can’t handle G&T’s like it once could. 2-day hangovers are fun, but I can derive enjoyment from watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix as well.

Remember how it felt when your entire 3rd grade class got to go to the roller rink for little Timmy’s 8th birthday, and you had to miss out on the fun to go to piano lessons? Multiply that by seventeen, and instead of a 30-minute piano lesson, replace it with staring at a spreadsheet for 8 hours straight. In dress shoes. Shrouded by fluorescent lighting.

So dear friends, for the next couple of days, think of your noble friends who entered the work force straight out of college…and DON’T F$#%ING CALL US IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

Love, Chelsea.

(PS: This only applies to well, tonight, as I plan on taking Thursday and Friday off work. Rally on!)

Posted in Big Kid Jobs, College Transitions | 2 Comments

A Very Tulsa20Something Christmas

Posted on December 8, 2011 by

‘Ello faithful cohorts. Excuse the delay–my Thanksgiving hangover lasted about 8 days and since then, I’ve been mourning over the fact that Christmas and New Year’s falls on weekends. Really, this should be illegal. How does one reasonable going from having nearly a month off school to properly celebrate Christmas to getting no days off work? Luckily, I’m in good with my boss, but most of my friends with big-kid jobs don’t receive presents from/eat turkey with/stay over at their manager’s house Christmas Eve.

Get your mind out of the gutter, I work for my parents.

Anywho, it’s that time of year when the friends you’ve acquired over the years come back home to Tulsa (see my guide to reacquainting yourself with old cronies here). Mimosas and Irish coffees become socially acceptable on weekdays. Now that you’re making your own money, the pressure’s on to buy your parents actual gifts (and not just a sloppy hand made card). I know it’s a pain, but put up a Christmas tree and display your grandma’s porcelain Nativity scene. Dust off that tacky vest from Christmas Power Hour sophomore year of college–’tis the time to eat, drink (heavily) and be merry.

It’s the time of year that I unsuccessfully begin my hunt for a seasonal boyfriend–you know, someone to check out Rhema with, cuddle while watching Elf, and kiss under the mistletoe but have no obligation to buy a present for or invite to family gatherings. As always, the problem with temporary help is knowing when to let them go. I mean, New Year’s Eve is only a week after Christmas and you need someone to kiss at midnight, then comes Valentine’s Day…next thing you know, you’re stuck at a job you hate with a mortgage and 2 car payments and 3 kids to feed. And I simply cannot handle that kind of pressure just yet.

You all know I’m a list girl, so here’s another one for shits and giggles…ways to celebrate Christmas for the young and fun…

  •  Reserve nighttime to see and be seen. I know your family wants to see you, but your old friends are home–for better and for worse. Holiday social life is a delicate balance of wanting people to see how thin/successful/cool you’ve become, while simultaneously not wanting to actually talk to anyone you used to matriculate with.  Well, it’s that way for some people. I for one LOVE seeing old friends and classmates.
  • Form a Bar Association–a small posse of close friends who will wingman for you, take shots with you, go to Whataburger with you, and share the cab ride home. Enjoy them. Turn to them when that creep from geometry brings you a mysterious beverage. Trust that if you blackout, you won’t end up passed out in the bathroom of Sharky’s because they’ll be there to tuck you in on their couch. Friendship–it’s what single life is about.
  • Strategic positioning. Now that you’ve got your crew to roll with, pick your location with care. Sure, you can see townies at the Blue Dome District any ole’ week! Judging from Thanksgiving break, Leon’s and White Owl seem to be popular hang outs for the holiday breakers…
  • Watch Home Alone. A LOT. Commit significant quotes to memory. It’s a great party trick.
  • Utilize family time wisely. Take naps, replenish your body with nutrients, compliment your grandma’s stuffing, and brush up on your Catchphrase skills.
  • Go for the drink specials. Marathon socializing will eventually take a toll on your finances.
  • Lock in a cutie for New Year’s Eve. Sure, finding a decent looking rando works for some, but I prefer to ring in the New Year with someone I’ve actually spoken to more than once.
  • Indulge in the Christmas Chaos. Go ice skating at Winterfest. Watch the Christmas Holiday Parade downtown, see the lights at Rhema and Tulsa Hills, adopt an Angel at Woodland Hills mall, and watch It’s a Wonderful Life. You know you want to.
  • Do something crazy. You know those clowns dancing in a circle around the jukebox? Those are my friends. Literally. Embrace it.
  • If you live in a good location, buy an air mattress or five. The great thing about moving out of your parent’s house? The rager can continue for days.

What else are you looking forward to?

Posted in Life Chats, Lists | 1 Comment

How to Impress Friends And Endear People: Holiday Edition

Posted on November 15, 2011 by

The holidays are upon us, which means a few things here in Green Country:

  • Jenks, Metro, Cascia, and Bishop Kelley high school reunions on Brookside Tuesday and Wednesday night. (actually, Brookside sucks now. I move that we change the unofficial reunion location to the Blue Dome District. All in favor say “ayyyy-ohhh”).
  • Your friends home from LA telling you at least six celeb-encounter stories (while acting totally blase about it).
  • Beer pong tournaments with your extended family (you know, since we’re all grown up now).
  • Running into that dramatic pansy who likes to pretend you ruined his life (oh wait, maybe that’s just me).
  • Acting completely surprised when bumping into acquaintances at Dickinson Starworld 20 or Lights On Utica Square Thanksgiving night (um, duh).
  • The dreaded “So what have you been doing with your life?” question from well, anyone you don’t speak to on the reg.

Well, I might not be able to convince everyone in Tulsa who graduated between 2005 and 2010 to congregate at Fassler Hall. I don’t have the power to teach you beer pong skills, tell people that not smiling in pictures make them look stupid, or sneak a very large chill pill in a select few’s beverages. I’m not even fully confident I can fake excitement the next time I run into the chick from my geometry class that now has three children and no husband.

However my specialty is people skills, and for your benefit I’m going to offer up my consultation services to you–absolutely free of charge! Want to rehabilitate your image, and keep from looking like a failure/asshole/slob/pretentious prick in front of your oldest and once dearest friends? Read on fair minions.

For those of you on the success train:

You know, the lucky few that are making 50k or above right out of graduation, have a company cell phone, chauffeur, craft services, an expense account, and just made a down payment on a posh condo.  It might be tempting to roll up to your old best friend’s parent’s house in your new Range Rover, fish your personal iPhone out of your Fall 2011 Balenciaga bag, and tell Siri to deliver you a vintage bottle of Dom–but for the sake of your less fortunate friends, try to refrain.

For you, it’s all about subtly touting your promising future. Show off your financial stability by buying people in your immediate vicinity your friends a round of Patron shots. Demonstrate your cultured and refined pool of knowledge by expressing your moderate opinion on the Occupy Wall Street movement, or by reciting an anecdote from a Malcolm Gladwell book.  Imply that you have an important job by noting how stressed out you are. Share crazy boss stories, but throw in a “Silly Skip, always up to his tricks” to show that you and your boss are actually on a nickname basis.

The hardest part of being successful at such a young age is keeping your face neutral when others tell you how they’ve spent their time. If your sorority sister tells you their trying to “break into party planning,” tilt your head and nod, which implies that you’re thinking “how fascinating!” If you encounter someone who still lives at home (and it’s far past the 8-month grace period), congratulate them on “all of the rent money they must be saving!!!!” If your friend is unemployed, blame it on the economy and use it as an platform to share your new political outlook.

Note: the tips above also apply to those of you in med school, law school, or grad school at an Ivy League or in a foreign country. Yep, you know who I’m talking to.

For…everyone else:

Now, just because your friends have a promising career/significant others does not mean that you’re unsuccessful per se. More or less, it means that you just need to get better at well, framing your current state.

Take me for example. I’m not a single blogger that works for her parents and watches reality tv every night. I’m a freelance writer with an interest in pop culture who’s training to be the future CEO of a successful mid-sized company, and simply “hasn’t found the right one” yet. Kim Kardashian isn’t a money-grubbing whore, she’s an enterprising television personality. Lindsay Lohan isn’t a washed-up methhead, she’s a struggling artist.

Think about your current situation, and put a creative spin on it. Taking a victory lap? Actually, you’re right on time considering your double major, minor, and plan to  graduate suma cum laude. Unemployed? Nah, you’re holding out for a fulfilling job where you can “really help people.” Pregnant? Eh, actually I can’t really help you out with that one.

Another way to soften the awkward “yeah, I hate my life right now” conversation is a few strategically placed jokes. Deadpan and say that you’re a professional kitten breeder. By telling friends you’ve been dumped for being a muggle, are considering joining a convent, or have taken up extreme couponing, it will distract them from the true messy state your life may or may not be in.

Other tips for catching up over the holidays…

  • Don’t talk about friends from your job no one else knows, the celebrities you’ve slept with, your boyfriend or girlfriend if they aren’t in the immediate vicinity, or your pets. In fact, if you’re one of those people who devotes photo albums to your furry friends, your human friends probably aren’t going to be down for a chat.
  • Do talk about any salacious gossip you might know about. This includes (but is not limited to) engagements, pregnancies, rehab stints, or Youtube diaries.
  • Don’t be the drunkest person at the gathering. We’re out (or almost out) of college now…puking and passing out has lost its charm.
  • Do look nice. I know it’s somewhat chilly outside and you’d rather be watching the Wonder Years on Netflix, but if there’s ever been a time to take a shower and shave, a friend reunion is it.
  • Don’t be awkward. Awkward in a Zooey Deschanel way is fine I guess (I actually f&$#ing hate her new tv show), but it’s not cool to let break ups, falling outs, or inexplicable melt downs ruin the fun for your mutual friends. Do the mature thing, and give them the stink eye all night instead.
  • Do be supportive. You’re going to want to roll your eyes if your friend tells you they’re moving to Toronto to be with the girl they met on eHarmony, or that they’re taking their shot in the adult film industry. Instead, smile and nod, and make fun of them once they leave.
  • Don’t let gatherings with your friends stress you out. Your friends, after all, are there to love you and accept you for who you’ve become. Plus, you’ll all need a break after the brutal guilt trips and pressure-cooker of a family gathering you’re required to attend.
Posted in College Transitions, Life Chats | 2 Comments