This summer, there will be no month-long excursion across Europe, no internship in a big city, and no temporary apartment in Norman for me. Kidulthood has its perks–you know, a disposable income and lingering bursts of reckless abandon, but unfortunately the majority of my summer will be spent in an air conditioned office rather than on a lawn chair by the pool. So long to lengthy lunches at Queenie’s and sporadic trips to Woodland Hills mall. Goodbye swimming at Southern Hills, and eating Josh’s Sno Cones on a nightly basis. I’m now obligated to working and exercising and reading publications besides Cosmopolitan.
Don’t worry you guys–as Fun. has reminded us all, we ARE young. Corporate slavery is merely a 40-hour a week commitment. We have our weekends, and I fully intend on uh, “squeezing the juice” out of mine of Papa Cawood says. Ch-ch-check it out.
1. Go on a float trip. It’s Saturday morning, and your alarm caterwauls at exactly 7:30 am. The only reason for waking up at this hour on the weekend is of course, a day of debauchery on the Illinois River.
I’ve written a full-on guide to having an awesome float trip experience before, but just to remind you, you’re going to need a couple things to ensure that this trip is a success:
- One 30 pack for every three people. At least.
- Gatorades and water bottles…see reason above.
- Sunscreen, a carabiner for your keys, plastic bags for your things, etc
- Proper frattire for a redneck occasion–PFGs, jorts, party tanks, visers, fanny packs, and yes, Chacos are essential.
- Beef jerky, Funyons, Quiktrip Kitchen sandwiches, and other powerfoods.
- Frisbees, footballs, or other objects to putter around with after you’re done chugging on Shotgun Island.
- A designated driver or five. The cabins in Tahlequah are pretty rank.
- Your dignity. At every float trip, there will always be that one person in your group who has a little too much fun and ends up making out with a townie. Don’t let that person be you.
2. A visit to the zoo followed by a meal at White River Fish Market. A throwback to childhood, although now I better understand the risk involved with parking a vehicle made after 2005 on north 17th and Sheridan. Wait, I actually I take that last line back–apparently acknowledging (or not acknowledging) a record of violence and crime in a particular district can get a blogger into trouble.
3. Jump off the cliff at Dripping Springs on Grand Lake. I no longer own a dwelling space on Oklahoma’s number one watering hole. My Dad literally woke up one morning, proclaimed that Grand was full of snobs and pretension, got rid of all of our toys in Duck Creek and relocated to a house boat on Skiatook instead.
While I can’t disagree with his statement, I really do miss me some Party Cove and that little paddleboat that delivers cheeseburgers to you at Dripping Springs. Jumping off the cliff there is like, a rite of passage for all youthful Oklahomans. If you don’t have a boat, it’s imperative that you make a couple friends who do, then suck up to them in the weeks leading up to Memorial Day, the 4th of July, and Labor Day. You can thank me later.
4. Stay all night on a house boat. Speaking of this new lake-front property I’ve recently gained access to, I think it would be downright blasphemous to not take full advantage of it.
5. Attend Summer’s 5th Night. There’s no place I would rather spend a Thursday night than on a lawn chair outside of the Wild Fork listening to my second favorite cover band, Mid Life Crisis. For the record, my first favorite cover act is My So Called 90’s Band, and it’s only partially because of the hot guy from the Evangelicals.
Billy Shakespeare would be happy to know that magical things do occur at Summer’s 5th Night. (Wait, they are referencing Shakespeare with the title of the event, right?) My super cool cousin met her super cool husband on the patio of the Wild Fork a fateful Thursday a few years ago, and back in high school, I met a guy at Wendy’s that I dated for two whole weeks! Anyways, I made a Summer’s 5th Night Drinking Game last year that you should probably check out and play sometime.
6. Go to Big Splash. But afterwards, you might want to go get a tetanus shot.
7. Thirsty Thursdays at Driller’s Stadium. Dolla-dolla beers yo, and the most gorgeous view of Downtown Tulsa (see photo above, taken by yours truly and only slightly altered by Instagram).
8. Get a snow cone at Josh’s. I’m not sure how a 6×8 ice ball stand can make South Tulsans completely lose their minds, but on any given week night, there’s at least a 20 minute wait for one of these. I ponder the obsession here.
9. Bike the length of Riverside. Tulsa is a cycling city, which I think is kind of cool, even though I know close to nothing about the sport and can hardly ride one myself. However, I do know that Tulsa Tough is approaching, and fashioning a tailgate around Crybaby Hill sounds pretty sweet. Who’s with me?
Side note: someone stole my bicycle during my freshman year of college, and I haven’t really seen the need to purchase another one. Instead, I think I’ll roller skate from 96th and Riverside to 16th and Denver. This totally counts too.
10. Hike around Turkey Mountain. But watch out for syringes and horny gay men looking for a little anonymous giggity giggity. Besides those minor obstacles, Turkey Mountain is a great place to become one with nature, breathe some fresh air, and remind yourself how out-of-shape you’ve become.
Anything obvious that I’ve forgotten? Care to join me on any of these ventures? Sound off in the comments, you guys!
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